Do you know one of my favourite things in life that, in its simplicity, is so very magical?
It's SYNCHRONICITY or, if you prefer, 'coincidence'.
Let me let you in on a recent experience of just this! Last month I came across an amazing blog called Bionic Buddha. I loved the topics, the style was uber cool and the tone was like a good friend giving me some really sound advice with a decent dollop of personal confession and REAL-ness. Needless to say it went on my favourites list and I went about my day...
Then, a couple of weeks later I find myself at Gabrielle Bernstein's event in Regent's Park and I'm looking around chatting with my friend Kirsten, and I think "hmmm, that girl looks familiar". It's only afterwards I put two and two together and realise it was the beautiful and talented Rebecca Caddy - writer and founder of Bionic Buddha!
Fast forward to now and I am so happy and excited to share my interview with her right here...
Rebecca Caddy of Bionic Buddha
I hope you'll love Becca's no BS approach as much as I do. In this very personal account, she describes how she went from feeling 'pulled all over the place' and feeling not good enough in any way, to turning that around and creating some *maja* perspective shifts in her life, one of the results being setting up the amazing outlet and platform that is Bionic Buddha.
Meet me in the comments to share YOUR view on what resonates from this interview...
What it took for you to wake up to your self-worth?...
Have you ever had choice anxiety around where to start when it comes to travel, career, relationships?..
And what can YOU do today to start to share your voice with the world?..
Lucy: What do you think are the main distractions ‘pulling us all over the place’ in today’s hectic world?
Becca: I think the proliferation of social media and how normal it's become to (over) share every little bit of our lives with everyone else has made us all focus much more on what some researchers call "extrinsic goals", so like our image, our status and getting all the things!
We look round at the world and see people having the kinds of things and living the kinds of lives we want online and start to think it's real - when really we all know deep down it isn't.
But despite this knowing, we start to look outside ourselves more and more for stuff to make us feel better about ourselves. When really all of the meaningful stuff comes from within us. It can be hard to see the light and make a conscious decision to stop looking outside of yourself for happiness and validation.
Personally, I find that what's "pulled me all over the place" the most has been this overwhelming pressure to be perfect, which ultimately has stemmed from a really deep-set belief that I'm not good enough in some way. So to over-compensate I've always tried to be the best, play a "nice", happy role and essentially wear a mask when it comes to my wants, needs and emotions.
Inevitably this led me to be caught up in all kinds of drama, attracting the wrong people, situations and experiences into my life on a daily basis. It's really hard to escape that if you've been caught up in it for so long and it's all that you've known. In fact I think with some people it can be hard to let go of that drama-seeking, role-playing behaviour even though it's essentially destroying them, because it's become so familiar. The key is to realise you're good enough and you really do deserve better.
L: To what extent do you think our generation is trapped by the notion of what we think we ‘should’ be doing?
B:I think one of the biggest problems is potential, which sounds strange. But my generation particularly, and even more so for the younger ones, have been told we can achieve so many things, become so many things, experience so many things.
On one hand it’s amazing, there's more freedom and chances for people to be who they want to be more than ever before! But, for many that brings an insane amount of pressure too. If you can travel the world, start a business, connect with people all over the globe within a second, then where do you start?
And if you're chasing all of this amazing stuff that's been promised to you, what if you just want to stop and have some time alone to yourself?
I think this is a big problem. People are always looking, always chasing, always socialising, always feeling pressured. It’s hard for them to be alone and really get to know who they are and what they want out of life.
L: How did you first get interested in spirituality and self development? Was it a specific moment or did it creep up on you?
B: Throughout my whole life it's felt like I've been on an emotional rollercoaster of ecstatic highs, crippling lows and everything else in between. It’s really exhausting and not a great way to live, but I always deluded myself into think "hey, at least I got some ups as well as some downs, right?!"
But last year, I had a period of feeling really low for a really long time. I realised I had to make some changes and take more control. And I think this was the biggest realisation, that I had to make the changes myself. You can immerse yourself in teachings and therapy and medication and everything else out there to lift your mood as much as you want - but wanting to change and making a commitment to change has to be paramount. And I finally made that commitment.
One of the biggest steps in my self development journey has been learning to breathe.
It sounds pretty stupid, right? But I realised so much of my anxiety and worry was brought on through holding my breath, which led to panic and then further down the line worry about doing certain things and ultimately depression. Just learning to breathe to control my anxiety and learning to sit quietly with my thoughts rather than run away from them or push them down was a huge turning point for me. It made me realise I was on the right track.
From there I've become more and more interested in breathing techniques, meditation and ways to use my mind to change my reaction to certain situations and cope with the challenges life throws my way in a much more healthy (and not to mention happy!) way.
L: Where did Bionic Buddha come from?
B: I feel like I've been on such an amazing self development journey, and as I write for a living, getting all of my thoughts, experiences and insights down on paper (OK, OK, the screen) just seemed so natural to me. I think we all instinctively want to share our experiences in the best way we know how. I know teachers who look at everything from the perspective of "how would I teach this to someone?" or designers who think "how can I tell this story in a way that'll visually excite everyone I know?". For me, writing everything down just seemed right. Plus I got to a point that I just couldn't hold it in any longer!
In terms of the idea behind the name, I desperately wanted to write about meditation and living well, and how I’m becoming more and more heavily influenced by Buddhist teachings. But, I wanted to put a modern spin on it too, which is where the name came from.
L: What’s your vision for Bionic Buddha?
B: My only goal is to share the things that have made me happier, that have made the people around me happier, with a bigger audience. I want it to become more than a website. I want it to feel like a real life destination that makes people feel uplifted, inspired and empowered to make positive changes. Maybe one day I WILL make it into a real life destination?!
Maybe this will mean I'll have to stop seeing the world as a writer and make video, produce longer content or speak directly to those who need some encouragement the most. I feel positive, happy and excited about the future of Bionic Buddha.
L: From your point of view, where’s a good place to start when it comes to self-help for the modern, millennial woman? For you Becca, what are your fave ‘go to’ sources and authors on and offline.
B: I'd say the first thing is to learn how to calm down.
Learn how to control your breathing - I always say, in most situations it's actually the only thing you can genuinely control, so go out and bloody master it!
Once you learn how to breathe, try meditation. There are literally hundreds upon thousands of resources out there and it's not a far-out, new age thing. That's just something that people who don't understand it say. It's all about giving your head some space so you can see things more objectively, learn more about yourself, your needs and your emotions and calm down.
I think once you've started breathing more calmly, once you've tried meditation, you're in a great place to make some really positive changes.
I believe the biggest is accepting that you're not in a good place and making a commitment to work your way out of it. This can bring up a lot of funky stuff, like maybe a realisation that you revel in being a bit of a victim and attracting drama, or maybe you've not achieved any of your career goals because you have a crippling social fear. Whatever it is you have to be strong and become aware of your fears and what's holding you back before you move forward. That awareness is so so key.
L: What’s your top tip for avoiding the 'compare & despair of social media?
B: I think there are a lot of different actions you can take, but I'm not so sure which is the "right" one. I'd say there are different tips for different people.
One would be to just put your damn phone down! Constantly checking your phone may seem uncontrollable and inevitable, but it's actually just a habit. Granted the latest research suggest it's a particularly tough habit to kick, but it's a habit nonetheless. So do what you'd do to get over any other habit.
Set yourself limits, don't sit and scroll through Instagram for hours, practice awareness and mindfulness, find other things to do when you get the urge. Just cutting back on your social media time can have a dramatic impact.
But really I'd say the biggest thing is to accept how you feel and then practice compassion. Getting angry at others for having things, doing things or achieving things that you don't isn't going to achieve anything. But, it is normal. Feeling bad about how you feel will only lower your self worth more. Accept the fact you feel "icky", don't beat yourself up about how you feel and then vow to move on.
I once saw a quote (I've no idea who said it!?) that said holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Holding onto all of those negative, jealous feelings about others is only likely to make you feel angry, resentful and a little bit worthless. Instead you need to be kinda and compassionate towards yourself and towards them.
Gabrielle Bernstein has a great set of tips for comparison. She says that jealousy can be flipped around. So instead of feeling bad about what someone else has and what you haven't got, instead see all of the great things in them as a reflection of what's great in you.
I think that can be really hard if you've worked your way into a sad little jealous corner, but exercising compassion towards others and yourself is a really powerful tool once you feel you've cracked it.
Don't miss out on connecting with Becca - all of her online links are here:
Bionic Buddha: http://bionicbuddha.co.uk
Twitter: https://twitter.com/beccacaddy & https://twitter.com/thebionicbuddha
Instagram: http://instagram.com/beccacaddy
Meet me in the comments now to share YOUR view on what resonates from this interview...
What it took for you to wake up to your self-worth?...
Have you ever had choice anxiety around where to start when it comes to travel, career, relationships?..
And what can YOU do today to start to share your voice with the world?..