Gloria Steinem coined that magic phrase earlier this year – “We are linked not ranked”.
You'll know by now that, in the past I’ve experienced the concept of ranking – speculating where I, or other people sit, in the imaginary league tables in my head. This was especially rife during my big self-doubt wobble a while ago… comparison was my weapon of choice.
Often comparison seems to be closely linked to feelings of being in competition, doesn’t it? Whether that’s career progression, happiness in relationships, awesome-ness of holiday, social media reach and of course cash money.
If we could get our heads around the fact we’re linked rather than in competition with each other, my goodness wouldn’t life be easier? That’s the impression I’m getting from the emails and messages I’ve been receiving over the last week.
Sometimes we forget that there really is enough to go round and that, ‘what’s for us won’t pass us’ - a saying my friend Emily swears by and she’s not wrong.
And yet we often pit ourselves against each other, whether overtly or in our own heads.
Around the time I was falling off my self-belief wagon I appeared on Oprah Winfrey’s Life Class and this exert is particularly poignant and relevant to what I've been reflecting on recently. In this clip Iyanla shares that: “Comparison is an act of violence against oneself” and when I think back on on how my mind has gone into overdrive in the past, she was bang on!:
Despite the awesome advice I received, the kernel of comparison had already taken root and in my head I was ranking myself, from a place of lack.
Hopefully though, if you’re viewing this today, this insight will have reached you just in time to get on track with yourself and start to love yourself, as you deserve to be loved. And start to get free from the tricky trap of comparison.
Nothing can take away the sparkle of speaking to ‘Queen O’ but it feels damn good to REALLY get the lesson now, and share it, as I try and help others to figure out how we can stop feelings of competition and comparison ruining our chances to do good things for ourselves.
We as people, and particularly women, tend to see ourselves as ranked not linked which is where we can fall down and fail to collaborate and support each other as we could.
I’ll be unpeeling this in more detail with an upcoming blog so look out for that one.
In the meantime, I'd love to hear from you, what do you think of Iyanla and Oprah's opinions in this video?
Love Lucy xx