Every so often something happens outside your control and it shakes the ground you walk on, right? I’m sure if I asked you to think about events that have happened to you that you’ll each have your own examples of when life put you through the tumble dryer.
Recently I’ve had that sort of thing happen. It’s not life or death but it has felt significant, namely, our landlord is selling our flat and so Al (Mr. Proof), Roe (4 pawed Proof) and I will be moving much sooner than we ever thought/hoped.
Since relocating from Leeds to Brighton last Feb, and working nationwide in between, I’ve had to really work on being grounded and redefine my idea of what ‘home’ is which is tricky as my environment is something important to me but always seems to be different.
I love this flat – not just because it’s super comfortable and 30 seconds from the beach but also because, up until recently it has represented such a lot for me. It has the perfect base for me living this big new chapter – married, self employed and working towards the future I want for myself.
When Al broke the news a week or so back, we were up in Yorkshire seeing family and had gone out for dinner with my stepson to Pizza Express. It’s fair to say I lost my shit when he told me that it’s time for us to start looking for another home. I burst into tears on the spot – much to the intrigue of the other diners who thought we’d had a huge row! I felt my ego mind go bonkers “BUT IT’S MY HOME!” and “It’s not FAIR!”… to the point I actually had to go and take a minute in the loo to compose myself.
It was through the smudged mascara, snot and gaspy-weird-breath-thing that happens when I get into a heavy crying sesh… that something pierced the moment.
It was the realisation that never had my favourite mantra been truer:
"I trust the timing of my life."
This whole moving thing isn’t happening to me – it’s happing for me. It will make room for something even better suited to where I’m at right now. How do I know? Because that’s been the result every time I have gone through life’s tumble dryer: losing my house, messy relationships, jobs going pear shaped, general let downs both trivial and impactful.
Why should this be any different?
What good would it do me to exert my perceived control and resistance over this situation? Or even try and force the outside world to comply with one of my pre-determined visions of how something ‘should’ be?
By detaching myself from the process of how my happiness continues to show up, grateful for the now and the present, I can feel **to my very core** that I am more than ever committed to that outcome, regardless of how it shows up.
For when I’m not feeling so strong and clear another reminder that comes through loudly for me is what Gabby B highlighted at her workshop in November: “Fear is the assumption you only have your own strength to rely on”… and this just isn’t my reality, as it is rarely anyone’s.
Life will throw as many plot twists at us as it can and we can go with it and make space for what that fresh space will bring, or we can try and go against it and miss out on what happens when we decide to ‘choose again’.
Fast forward to today and I don’t have a place to move to yet but I trust it’s going to happen in the most perfect way for me and with every breath that newness draws closer. I wish it hadn’t taken a Pizza Express meltdown to be the catalyst but it did the job.
Let's trust the timings of our lives.
Share your views now and I’ll meet you in the comments :)
Love Lucy xxx
(Gif from: http://www.tagroom.com/kim-kardashian-explains-why-she-does-that-ugly-crying-face-26777// http://www.buzzfeed.com/samjparker/people-falling-over-gifs#.rsR59gKEDw// http://giphy.com/gifs/katy-perry-lyrics-tiger-12S4EnbzXKr9sI)